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Pre-recorded Apple displays are at all times a bit unusual. These heavily-produced performances characteristic Apple executives telling us about their latest merchandise as they sprint throughout scenic deserts, or board onto unusual, non-existent subways.
As we speak’s presentation felt even stranger, although, maybe as a result of it was kicked off with a protracted Apple Watch advert that principally despatched the message of, “In the event you don’t purchase this, you’ll die of a coronary heart assault.” We additionally noticed some motion on the always-controversial notch, plus some refined allusions to Roe v. Wade as Apple added new menstrual health tracking to its Apple Watch.
After all, this hubbub implies that jaded tech varieties made some snarky jokes on Twitter. I laughed at numerous them. Listed below are some tweets to your viewing pleasure.
Table of Contents
Apple is so dramatic
Yesterday, former One Path member Harry Types described why he enjoys his upcoming movie, “Don’t Fear Darling.” He mentioned, “My favourite factor in regards to the film is, like, it appears like a film.”
Types received numerous flack for this innocuous quote, however I get it. My favourite factor about Apple occasions is that they really feel like Apple occasions. These graphics are so over-the-top stunning that they virtually make you neglect about their ongoing mission to forestall their retail employees from unionizing. This was very true right this moment, when a lot of the occasion centered round how one can put on the Apple Watch Ultra whereas scuba-diving, ultra-marathon working, climbing Mount Everest, et. al.
The ‘Dynamic Island’
Apple branded its notch alternative — a pill-shaped cut-out — because the “dynamic island.” Apple customers appear divided about whether or not or not it is a good various to the notch. I’m personally a fan, however others is not going to stand for something lower than a bonafide full-screen expertise. Everybody appears to agree, although, that dynamic island is a really foolish title. Our {hardware} editor Brian Heater, who attended right this moment’s occasion in individual, advised us that the viewers truly laughed on the title when it was introduced.
I wrote in regards to the dynamic island, solely to get ratio-ed by a TechCrunch reader. To be truthful, this response was fairly humorous. I’m maintaining a tally of you, Joseph.
The Apple Watch Extremely is a bit too excessive
The introductory video to right this moment’s hour-plus presentation included a teenage boy fearing for his life whereas a bear walked round his kitchen, just for his Apple Watch to save lots of the day. It was bizarre. However as Apple launched its extra-hardy Apple Watch Ultra, designed to be used throughout excessive sports activities, issues received weirder.
Then, Apple launched satellite SOS, which helps you get to security if you happen to face an emergency whereas off-grid. It’s a really helpful characteristic and a intelligent utility of the know-how — however after too many mentions of bear assaults and scuba diving, it felt ominous.
We’re all bored with the lightning cable
The European Union is making legislative strikes to require that each one smartphones use a common USB-C charger by fall 2024. Some USB-C devotees received their hopes up, questioning if this meant that the iPhone 14 would lastly do away with the lightning cable in change for a USB-C port. It is smart — iPads and MacBooks alike are working on USB-C chargers, and as Haje wrote in an impassioned weblog put up, “just about every thing that isn’t an iPhone, and Apple Keyboard, or AirPods, is working on USB-C today.” Sadly, Apple didn’t make the massive leap right this moment.
In any case, in order for you an precise recap on what you missed at right this moment’s occasion, try Greg’s roundup.
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